These are unashamedly stolen from The Independent (12 th September 2005), quite literally, for I tore them from the paper in a coffee shop, and stored them in my little clippings book….and yes, I have a little clippings book.

The Paul Arden Column:

An interviewer with a wooden leg
said to Frank Zappa: “With your
long hair, from where I am sitting
you could be a woman.”
Zappa replied: “Well, from where
I am sitting you could be a table.”

Curiously, I was reminded to post this as I returned to my car today to find it covered with purple bird bombs – yes, it’s the tale end of Summer, the purple bird shit season is soon to hit full flow:

…When plump wood pigeons eat their fill
Of elderberries on the hill,
And blackberries in the cottage hedge
Or damsons at the meadow edge,
Then country folk who are wise to that
Will go out walking in a hat
To catch the falling purple rain
And ward off every mulberry stain,
Autumn! season of rumination,
And deep-dyed avian defecation

A little ditty for whom we can thank Miles Kington (The Independent) for bringing it to our attention.

With that, I shall bugger off and clean the shit of my car.


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